Relationship Blogging for HOSTAGE Magazine

My posts have been infrequent here as one-off articles haven't really been coming my way. But I've been busy most of the summer blogging for HOSTAGE magazine. Weekly, I do a Words of Wisdom Wednesday feature (an idea I only later realized I borrowed from the lovely and talented Melissa Blake) and beyond that,  I've written on topics like getting back together with an ex, learning to tell the good guys from the bad guys, and something I called "romantic realism." Check out my posts here:

http://blog.hostagenyc.com/author/rosella/

Advice from an online dating expert

via weheartit

I feel there can be no shame in admitting that I met Chris online. In fact, I met a majority of my legitimate love interests online. There was L who was a match on Facebook’s Are You Interested application. Then there were T and K whom I discovered on MySpace through my friends’ profiles. (T and K were big disappointments but then again, someone once described MySpace as the trailer park of the internet.)

A friend of mine, Anna Hyclak, recently posted this article on Seventeen’s website about what guys look for in a girl’s profile. At the end of the post, Anna poses the question: “What are some of the things that turn you off when they appear on guys’ profiles?”

It got me to thinking about the things I saw in these boys’ profiles that had me hooked.

I fell for L as much because the interests he listed in his Are You Interested mini profile seemed to align with my own as for the mention of having recently lost his father. This seemed to humanize him in a way that nothing else on his page did. It made my heart melt the tiniest bit and he once said the only reason he responded to my message right away was because I cared enough to say I was sorry for his loss.

Then one Friday afternoon in early May, I saw that Chris had viewed my profile on OKCupid. He hadn’t messaged me or anything though. When I looked at his profile, I searched for reasons not to talk to him — or at least reasons why he hadn’t reached out to me. I found nothing that turned me off. I was immediately intrigued by his “What I’m doing with my life” section which said he was writing a novel (among other things like, oh, starting a business). I wrote to him to ask what the novel was about and then we started texting. The rest is, as they say, history.

Here are some general rules to help guide you in your online romantic encounters:

1.) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but those thousand words might not be the ones to properly describe his personality. Look beyond that. There are plenty of guys who deserve a deeper, harder look than you think you should give them based on appearances.

2.) Also, remember that the thousand words he put in his profile may not capture who he is. I once heard it said that a person is a lot more than what they do or like — this is true. You can’t tell how trustworthy or respectful a guy is by reading a list of his favorite movies… Unless of course those movies tend to be about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

3.) Don’t talk for too long online before talking on the phone and especially in person. It’s too easy to be braver and racier in IM conversations than when you’re talking on the phone or in person and who wants to fall for a falsified version of you?

Ultimately, I would encourage you to move the relationship to the 3D realm as quickly as possible. Keyboards just don’t keep you warm at night.

This post appeared today on HOSTAGE Magazine's blog here.

HOSTAGE: Takes one to know one

 Women have a tendency to ask their female friends for relationship advice or help decoding their guys. Come on, ladies, we’ve all done it. But I have come to realize that the best advice in figuring out your guy really comes from other guys. Think Jack Berger, when he joins Carrie and the other Sex and the City girls at a club, telling Miranda the painful — and much needed — truth that sparked a bestselling book and movie: “He’s just not that into you.”

If only every girl had a Berger.

This weekend, my friend June called to vent about her boyfriend troubles. Her on-again, off-again boyfriend James, with whom she’s been ‘on’ for six months, had been giving her trouble about her upcoming birthday. What she really wanted was to go to the beach. He didn’t seem that into it.

Then, the day before her birthday, June calls James after work. He ignores her call. Twice. When he finally responds, it’s by text message. The message of the message? He’s with two female friends at the movies. Furthermore, James had asked her before if she would pay for him to go midnight bowling. June said even if his friend Kylie got him in for free because she works there, he definitely spent money on snacks. It didn’t add up.

I haven’t heard from her since that — except I know via Facebook that they ended up going to the beach — but I have heard the opinions of the two men in my life. My dad and Chris are both in consensus that James should be dumped. He’s clearly mistreating June, they said. And Chris added that he would never, ever go out to the movies with another girl and even if he did, he would answer his phone because his girlfriend comes first.

This is not the first sign of trouble I’ve seen in June’s relationship and while I have continually supported her and James, I’m beginning to believe that maybe he’s just not right for her after all. Because while women also have the tendency to be constantly supportive of their friends, sometimes that “yes” should really be a “no,” and no, I don’t believe that June deserves to be treated this way.

This post appeared on HOSTAGE Magazine's blog today.

HOSTAGE: The truth about Johnny Depp

Dear Boyfriends of the World,

While we may have posters of Johnny Depp on our bedroom (or dorm) walls and you may catch us reading the latest about his life in US Weekly, not that many of us actually want to get with him. So stop worrying about your “competition.”

OK, the truth is that this applies to most celebrities. We fantasize about their chiseled abs, muscular arms and strong jaws. Think Jake Gyllenhaal as the Prince… You dragged us to the movie so the least you can do is not guilt trip us for admiring his smoldering gaze and washboard abs.

But there’s no need to be jealous. Most girls, myself included, aren’t really sure if we’d want to be with someone that rock hard. It wouldn’t be conducive to good cuddling. And there’s no need to pretend you hate cuddling — we know you like it at least some of the time.

Normal girls, while admiring the Ryan Reynolds’ and Hugh Jackman’s of the world, realize that in all likelihood, he’s more into himself than he could ever be into us. We want you. The cute guy who makes us laugh, who supports us, who does things he doesn’t necessarily want to do just because we mean that much to him. That’s the guy we really fantasize about. That’s the guy who is on my mind most of the day and night.

Come on — you’ve got your Angelina Jolie’s and Megan Fox’s and Gemma Arterton’s (think Prince of Persia). Sometimes we girlfriends of the world even engage you in conversation about the female hotties in Hollywood. The least you can do is let us silently admire the male hotties and keep our posters.

Love,

Rosella & The Rest of the World’s Girlfriends

This post appeared on HOSTAGE magazine's blog today.

The Juniata News: K&A's tenth annual MarketFest proves vitality of the neighborhood

The Kensington and Allegheny Business Association shut down the busy intersection at the heart of Kensington for its tenth annual K & A MarketFest on Saturday, June 5, 2010, a week earlier than normal. Residents of all ages enjoyed the attractions which Impact Services Corporation President John MacDonald said are a gift to the neighborhood.

“Everything’s for nothing,” MacDonald said.

Even without funding from the city, the business association will always find a way to run the fair, MacDonald said. With the support of the Bank of America, Wachovia Bank and Beneficial Bank, local businesses and Impact Services Corporation were able to keep the fair running smoothly.

Impact Services Corporation is a 36 year old community development organization that oversees projects aimed at revitalizing Kensington. This includes the operation of three business associations, housing for veterans and training programs to place roughly 1000 citizens – people who have been released from prison or rehab, welfare mothers and veterans – a year in the workforce.

The organization is “intended to help businesses and then the businesses help folks in the neighborhood,” MacDonald said. And the K&A MarketFest is meant to show that the area is a safe place to be.

“We were trying to prove to folks K and A isn’t dead,” MacDonald said.

Between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., adults could browse vendors selling everything from shoes to Avon products, lemonade to produce. Among the attractions children enjoyed were Moonbounce houses, inflatable slides and Conference Bikes which seat six children and an adult who steers the vehicle.

While the turnout had tapered off in the middle of the fair’s four-hour span, MacDonald said this was still an important event to Kensington residents.

“Some folks would think this is no big deal but to the neighborhood, it is,” MacDonald said.

Based on its track record for growth year to year, MacDonald expects the eleventh annual K&A MarketFest to be even bigger and better.

This 300 word news piece appeared in the local newspaper entitled The Juniata News today (June 8), accompanied by three photographs I took.

PRH Schoolyard: Mighty Writers

"Do you need to run around the block five times to get that energy out?" Rachel Loeper asks a young boy standing on the front step.

Loeper is the program director of Mighty Writers, a non-profit that aims to improve the writing skills of students ages 5 to 17. The young boy to whom she speaks is one of 50 students enrolled. Like most of his peers and Loeper herself, the young writer is a bundle of energy.

According to Loeper, she started holding meet and greets with people interested in starting a project like Dave Egger's 826 Valencia, a writing center that helps students ages 8-18 develop writing skills. In the meantime, Loeper quit her job in educational technology and took a position substitute teaching at Universal Institute Charter School in South Philadelphia.

That's when someone handed her Tim Whitaker's business card. Whitaker, a former editor of Philadelphia Weekly, was looking to start a similar project. The two met "and talked for about two weeks straight and eventually just kind of merged our forces," Loeper says, sitting at a table in the reception area at the Mighty Writers headquarters.

At the time, Loeper had between 50 and 100 volunteers signed on when Universal Institute, through its parent organization Universal Companies, offered Loeper the 1501 Christian Street storefront that was once the location for an "Obama for President" effort.

"Tim had funding for a year and a board of directors and a logo that I loved and we just took off running. So after meeting in April, we opened July 1st. We had 12 workshops last summer and then the after-school workshop started in the fall," Loeper says.

Mighty Writers is open Monday through Thursday from 3 to 6 pm for the after-school program, during which kids do homework before opening their red folders and working on their writing. On Sundays from 3 to 6 pm, Mighty Writers is open for tutoring and the community is welcome to walk in.

There are also workshops, hosted after 6 pm on weekdays and between 1 and 4 pm on Sundays. These workshops include "Graphic Memoirs," "Writing Like a Ninja" and "Girl Power Poetry."

Now, Loeper says the hope is to expand with a second location in West Philly. The group is always looking for people who want to join the list of 300 volunteers or who want to teach workshops to some talented students and community members.


This article appeared in Philadelphia RowHome Magazine's April/May/June 2010 issue (Vol. 8, Issue 18) in the PRH Schoolyard section.

Career Exploration: Fashion Editor & Stylist

"I'm always on the job," Abigail Bruley says, laughing. She spreads back issues of the Philadelphia-based quarterly two.one.five magazine and printouts from a large, bright green binder that reads "fashion" on the spine in hand-drawn bubble letters across a large white table in the magazine's one-room office. She climbs onto the table, in high heels and a skirt, and lies down, her left hand resting on two.one.five's first issue, to have her picture taken.

Establishing this aesthetic for an impromptu Motivos photo shoot is, as Bruley points out, a continuation or the same duties she performs as fashion and music editor at two.one.five. These duties include everything from styling fashion shoots to writing gear reviews, from overseeing interns to brainstorming themes and ideas with editor-in-chief Piers Merchant.

Bruley, 27, says she's working her dream job.

The story of how she got her dream job is not very interesting, she says. She was attending a weekly meeting for another magazine at a South Philly coffee shop and ran into Matthew Bacine, one of the publishers of two.one.five, an acquaintance. In conversation, Bruley revealed that she worked in magazines and Bacine asked if she would join his team. She did.

This article appeared in the Spring 2010 issue of Motivos magazine, in the Career Exploration section. Email me at rosellaeleanor@gmail.com to see a PDF file of the entire article.

Is chivalry dead?

The female perspective of a male-female debate over the health of chivalry.

I groaned under the weight of a 24-case of water bottles. There was a click sound and the flame of his Bic lighter flashed across his face. Our eyes locked as he shoved the lighter into his pocket and shuffled past. I moved the case to my left hip and got the door myself.

When a friend said she would have been surprised if he had gotten the door for me, I realized she was right. These days, there aren't any gentlemen opening doors for us ladies or pushing the buttons on the elevator when our hands are full. Instead, there are dudes who wait for you to open the door and dudes who push the door-close button just as you finally reach the elevator, out of breath.

It made me wonder: Whatever happened to good old chivalry?

"Guys on [Temple's] campus rarely hold the door for you when you're leaving the Student Center," Madison Carter, 20, said. "But my all-time favorite pet peeve is when you drop your books or need some kind of assistance and guys look at you for a split second and then proceed with whatever trivial task they were doing."

Chivalry, once the mark of a well-raised catch, is rarely done for chivalry's sake. Whereas, in the past, it was common for a man to lay down his coat over a puddle to protect a woman's skirts from mud, guys today seem to only think twice about their manners when it could help them get laid.

Consider the catcall epidemic. When someone in my dorm burned popcorn at 3 a.m. and my friend and I went outside to wait out the fire alarms, every man who passed us asked how we were. I've had 20 minutes of sleep and I'm wearing flip-flops and socks -- am I supposed to swoon at you because you were polite enough to ask how I am?

These shows of "politeness" -- and crudeness, in the case of whistling -- make guys seem like male peacocks spreading their tale feathers.

Sure, there is the occasional polite young man who knows how to treat us ladies and doesn't want anything in return. But, for the most part, chivalry is going the way of the Bali Tiger.

I guess the question is really whether or not the fact that a guy boards the bus before you is enough to make or break the attraction. The answer to this depends on the person, as my friend Michele Hannon, 20, and I concluded one night.

If you and a guy share the same passion about something or if he brightens every day you're with him, it just might be worth giving up those traditional shows of chivalry.

I wrote this 500-word piece for Fourteenth Street magazine's May 2010 issue.

Adjuncts make strides in fight to unionize

Supporters recently made strides in the fight to gain union representation for roughly 1,300 part-time faculty members at Temple.

The Adjunct Organizing Committee’s collection of signature cards from part-time faculty members began with a two-day kickoff drive the end of last month.

These cards would authorize the Pennsylvania Labor Relations Board to hold an election to incorporate adjuncts into the Temple Association of University Professionals union. TAUP, an affiliate of the American Federation of Teachers, has supported the AOC through its struggle for union representation.

Last semester, the AOC declared the week of Nov. 20 the first Adjunct Awareness Week and members stood at the Bell Tower to spread the message that nearly 50 percent of Temple’s faculty had no means of collective bargaining or otherwise ensuring fair treatment.

To read the rest of this article, published as an online exclusive for The Temple News, click here.

Shop Class: Connections of vintage love in Philadelphia

Fashion columnist Rosella Eleanor LaFevre finds the vintage jackpot in Queen's Village.

My love for vintage started in sixth grade when I realized dressing like the so-called popular girls would never make me one of them. This is also about the time I learned Gwen Stefani had scoured thrift stores as a high school student wearing men’s pajama bottoms she had pegged herself.

After forcing my mother to take me to a thrift store, I had a religious experience. There were rows and rows of clothing, and each piece was different from the others – as different as I was from every girl in my class.

Since fondling fur coats and trying on men’s vests in that thrift store, I have loved vintage for its increased power of expression and for the stories woven into every fiber. Recently, I took a walk around Queen’s Village and found four incredible vintage emporiums just south of South Street.

Read the rest of my fifth "Shop Class" column for The Temple News here.

Runaway to Vintage Connection

Shop at Vintage Connection for a chance to win Joan Jett’s book.

The well-edited collection of vintage clothing and accessories found at Vintage Connection will surely have you swooning and scooping up valuable additions to your wardrobe.

Heather Waity, the owner of the 9th & Bainbridge store, curates the collection with a keen eye. She looks for pieces that are on trend by studying magazines and blogs. She aims to sell pieces that people can easily mix into their wardrobes.

You can read the rest of post at Philadelphia RowHome Magazine's blog.

Moore Adventures in the Rosenbach

Fall through the Rosenbach’s looking glass into this neat exhibit

Whether you saw — and loved — Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland, are a fan of the original animated movie or prefer Lewis Carroll’s books Alice in Wonderland and Through the Looking Glass, the Rosenbach Museum and Library has a treat in store for you with it’s Moore Adventures in Wonderland exhibit.

The exhibit, which examines the connections between Carroll’s work and the work of 20th-Century poet Marianne Moore, began in September and ends June 6.

You can read the rest of my post on Philadelphia RowHome Magazine's blog here.

Shop Class: Love in the hands of a Claddagh ring

Toast to love this St. Patrick’s Day with the Irish ring. Its origin and purpose dates back to love.

I am not Irish, but growing up with two very proud Irish Catholic cousins, I can appreciate the culture.

In high school I even joined Irish Club, and although I only went to a handful of meetings, I spent $25 on a black hooded sweatshirt that had my last name printed on the back and that proclaimed I was a member.

On the topic of St. Patrick’s Day accessories, I had no clue what to suggest other than telling you to take a trip to the Party City located at 330 Oregon Ave. There, you can stock up on sparkly green top hats and four-leaf clover-shaped beaded necklaces.

Then I thought about that Irish Club hooded sweatshirt and the design on the chest. It was a simple drawing of the Irish ring. I knew the design – a crowned heart held by two hands – but did not know the name.

Its proper name is the claddagh ring. I cannot properly pronounce the word, but at least I can spell it.

To read the rest of the article for The Temple News, click here.

Shop Class: Spring into this season...

Rosella LaFevre lays out the dos and don'ts of spring fashion this year, so ladies on campus can look their best while soaking up some sun.

This winter, a nearly unanimous – if objectionable – vote by my lovely peers in favor of a comfortable three-piece ensemble had many them traipsing through the snow in North Face jackets, leggings-as-pants and Ugg boots.

This spring you can, and should, be just as comfortable in a softer, more feminine look. Think sundresses and cropped blazers, sun hats and brand-spanking-new white Keds sneakers. Consider Sookie Stackhouse from HBO’s True Blood your warm weather style sister.

Sookie Stackhouse, played by a beautifully blonde Anna Pacquin, is a waitress at a bar in Louisiana’s Bon Temp who happens to wind up dating a vampire for those of you who don’t know. She favors sundresses and cardigans and other style choices appropriate for a ladylike southern belle.

“I’ve shopped for most of the cast at Walmart, Kohl’s, Kmart, JCPenney, Sears – all the stores that real people from Bon Temps could afford,” Audrey Fisher, the show’s stylist, told Amy Wilkinson with MTV’s Hollywood Crush.

To read the rest of my third fashion column "Shop Class" for The Temple News, click here.

Ballads that have marked musical history

Ballads have existed since the 12th century. These songs, which began as an oral tradition and were passed from singer to singer, generation to generation, are traditionally long narrative songs. Some of the famous ballads recorded throughout history include the 15th century legend “Robin Hood,” the broadside “The Avondale Mine Disaster” about the nobility of labor and “The Flying Cloud,” a slave voyage narrative.

Folk ballads, the more common type of ballad and which is still sung today, typically uses dialogue and action to tell a dramatic story. Although some of the most popular ballads in recent history have been about love, not all ballads are.

Here are the ten best ballads:

1957: Patsy Cline’s “Walkin’ After Midnight”
This ballad was first given to pop singer Kay Starr. Country star Cline first rejected the song, as Starr did, but eventually recorded it. As Cline’s first major hit single, it reached #2 on the Billboard Country music chart and #12 on the Pop chart. It is remembered by some as one of the greatest country songs ever recorded.

To read the rest of this piece for Cliche Magazine, click here and go to page 106.

Learning to love ‘me’ and not ‘we’

As Rosella Eleanor LaFevre reveals in her essay, love starts closer than expected – with yourself.

I have had a smattering of blips on the relationship radar and, in addition, one fairly serious – if brief – relationship. And somehow, I always end up alone come Valentine’s Day. This year, I will not complain. Rather, I will celebrate.

After years of exposure to the fairy tale and its grown-up naïve sister, the romantic comedy, I am finally past wishing for nothing more than a guy to set my life straight.

After years of pining for a Prince Charming or a Patrick Verona, I am sure that being in love with myself is enough.

I’m not talking about an unhealthy kind of self-love. The love that I am referring to is respect for my idiosyncrasies and a belief that no one’s opinion of me should outweigh my own. I mean believing in myself enough to take risks and to live my life without fearing that people might see me in a different way than I want them to.

Read the rest of this essay for the Valentine's Day-themed issue of The Temple News here.

Shop Class: Get a love “Smak” on the lips with these sweet gifts

Rosella LaFevre got the scoop on some kitschy presents for Valentine’s Day.

Shopping retail is a lot like dating. Sometimes you have an awkward, terrible first date. More often than not, though, this bad first date is the end of any chance for a good relationship. That is why, when the first date is as perfect as my first trip to Smak Parlour, a 5-year-old boutique at 219 Market St., you want to tell everyone about it.

The thing about shopping is, it’s always an open relationship; cheating is encouraged. And as Valentine’s Day approaches, I encourage you to consider Smak Parlour your one stop for gifts for a girlfriend or best friend.

Guys, for your girlfriends:

Prove to your sugar she is no cheap substitute with a $45 necklace of pink glass cut into the five-letter word for the thing most people use to sweeten their coffee. I double dare you to litter the gift box with sugar packets from a fast-food chain. You can even take the credit for that cleverness.

Show her she spins you right ‘round with Leah Coonan’s earrings crafted from shards of records. Abby Kessler, the co-owner of Smak Parlour with Katie Loftus, said boys from all over the city are buying these for their lady loves. Earn bonus points with your sweetie by including concert tickets in the card that should accompany the $25 earrings.


The entire text of my second fashion column for The Temple News can be read here.

Shop Class: Peace Images jewelry designer helping Haiti

Fashion columnist covers jewelry designer donating proceeds to Wyclef Jean’s Yéle Foundation.

Since the time my mom braided a hemp necklace for me and I learned to make bracelets out of gimp, or scoubidou, at Girl Scout camp, I have been a fan of handmade jewelry.

But Camille Peace’s designs, under her label Peace Images, are much more elegant than those ropey accessories of my past. And they better satisfy my philanthropic urges, as a portion of the designer’s proceeds, through the end of January, go to the Haiti relief efforts.

Peace is donating 25 percent of her profits from Peace Images sales on Etsy to Wyclef Jean’s Yéle Foundation. Peace, who is Haitian herself, felt a responsibility to help the victims of the 7.0 magnitude earthquake that struck on Jan. 12 and centered on Port-au-Prince’s coast.

“They are my people,” Peace said in an e-mail. “How can I not help? And for the first time, I was in a position where I could help on a large scale.”

To read the rest of my first fashion column for The Temple News, please click here.

TPJ: The law of ex's

Today's post on Vered's The Penny Jar.

I have a dirty little confession.

I don't know how to be friends with an ex. Or even a we-were-barely-together-so-you're-hardly-my-ex-ex.

I've never had to be. The first boy I ever even came close to calling a boyfriend broke my heart so many times that I blocked him on every social networking website in the World Wide Web.

The second -- and he was bookended by the first jackass -- dumped me after two and half days. By text message. For his ex-girlfriend. After the pictures of him and her kissing were put up the same day, and my sister helped me craft a deliciously wicked letter for him, it was cyanara, sucka! This one once attempted a friendship and I couldn't carry on with it. It disgusted me to look at his Facebook page.

To read the rest, click here.

TPJ: Rules, playing fields and landmines

Today's post on my blog Vered's The Penny Jar.

In the world of Waldorf (Santa treated this journalist to the second season of Gossip Girl), the ex who dates first is the one who wins.

But it's not winning when you date someone else or at least give dating someone else a shot and end up realizing that while, yes, you can move on, you don't want to.

All I can think about is what I want and what I'm not getting. I'm not enjoying myself or living in the moment. I'm not sure anymore if I can open up to a new guy. And if I do, what pace should I take?

Read the rest of this blog post here.