Advice from an online dating expert

via weheartit

I feel there can be no shame in admitting that I met Chris online. In fact, I met a majority of my legitimate love interests online. There was L who was a match on Facebook’s Are You Interested application. Then there were T and K whom I discovered on MySpace through my friends’ profiles. (T and K were big disappointments but then again, someone once described MySpace as the trailer park of the internet.)

A friend of mine, Anna Hyclak, recently posted this article on Seventeen’s website about what guys look for in a girl’s profile. At the end of the post, Anna poses the question: “What are some of the things that turn you off when they appear on guys’ profiles?”

It got me to thinking about the things I saw in these boys’ profiles that had me hooked.

I fell for L as much because the interests he listed in his Are You Interested mini profile seemed to align with my own as for the mention of having recently lost his father. This seemed to humanize him in a way that nothing else on his page did. It made my heart melt the tiniest bit and he once said the only reason he responded to my message right away was because I cared enough to say I was sorry for his loss.

Then one Friday afternoon in early May, I saw that Chris had viewed my profile on OKCupid. He hadn’t messaged me or anything though. When I looked at his profile, I searched for reasons not to talk to him — or at least reasons why he hadn’t reached out to me. I found nothing that turned me off. I was immediately intrigued by his “What I’m doing with my life” section which said he was writing a novel (among other things like, oh, starting a business). I wrote to him to ask what the novel was about and then we started texting. The rest is, as they say, history.

Here are some general rules to help guide you in your online romantic encounters:

1.) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but those thousand words might not be the ones to properly describe his personality. Look beyond that. There are plenty of guys who deserve a deeper, harder look than you think you should give them based on appearances.

2.) Also, remember that the thousand words he put in his profile may not capture who he is. I once heard it said that a person is a lot more than what they do or like — this is true. You can’t tell how trustworthy or respectful a guy is by reading a list of his favorite movies… Unless of course those movies tend to be about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

3.) Don’t talk for too long online before talking on the phone and especially in person. It’s too easy to be braver and racier in IM conversations than when you’re talking on the phone or in person and who wants to fall for a falsified version of you?

Ultimately, I would encourage you to move the relationship to the 3D realm as quickly as possible. Keyboards just don’t keep you warm at night.

This post appeared today on HOSTAGE Magazine's blog here.