Advice from an online dating expert

via weheartit

I feel there can be no shame in admitting that I met Chris online. In fact, I met a majority of my legitimate love interests online. There was L who was a match on Facebook’s Are You Interested application. Then there were T and K whom I discovered on MySpace through my friends’ profiles. (T and K were big disappointments but then again, someone once described MySpace as the trailer park of the internet.)

A friend of mine, Anna Hyclak, recently posted this article on Seventeen’s website about what guys look for in a girl’s profile. At the end of the post, Anna poses the question: “What are some of the things that turn you off when they appear on guys’ profiles?”

It got me to thinking about the things I saw in these boys’ profiles that had me hooked.

I fell for L as much because the interests he listed in his Are You Interested mini profile seemed to align with my own as for the mention of having recently lost his father. This seemed to humanize him in a way that nothing else on his page did. It made my heart melt the tiniest bit and he once said the only reason he responded to my message right away was because I cared enough to say I was sorry for his loss.

Then one Friday afternoon in early May, I saw that Chris had viewed my profile on OKCupid. He hadn’t messaged me or anything though. When I looked at his profile, I searched for reasons not to talk to him — or at least reasons why he hadn’t reached out to me. I found nothing that turned me off. I was immediately intrigued by his “What I’m doing with my life” section which said he was writing a novel (among other things like, oh, starting a business). I wrote to him to ask what the novel was about and then we started texting. The rest is, as they say, history.

Here are some general rules to help guide you in your online romantic encounters:

1.) A picture may be worth a thousand words, but those thousand words might not be the ones to properly describe his personality. Look beyond that. There are plenty of guys who deserve a deeper, harder look than you think you should give them based on appearances.

2.) Also, remember that the thousand words he put in his profile may not capture who he is. I once heard it said that a person is a lot more than what they do or like — this is true. You can’t tell how trustworthy or respectful a guy is by reading a list of his favorite movies… Unless of course those movies tend to be about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table.

3.) Don’t talk for too long online before talking on the phone and especially in person. It’s too easy to be braver and racier in IM conversations than when you’re talking on the phone or in person and who wants to fall for a falsified version of you?

Ultimately, I would encourage you to move the relationship to the 3D realm as quickly as possible. Keyboards just don’t keep you warm at night.

This post appeared today on HOSTAGE Magazine's blog here.

HOSTAGE: Takes one to know one

 Women have a tendency to ask their female friends for relationship advice or help decoding their guys. Come on, ladies, we’ve all done it. But I have come to realize that the best advice in figuring out your guy really comes from other guys. Think Jack Berger, when he joins Carrie and the other Sex and the City girls at a club, telling Miranda the painful — and much needed — truth that sparked a bestselling book and movie: “He’s just not that into you.”

If only every girl had a Berger.

This weekend, my friend June called to vent about her boyfriend troubles. Her on-again, off-again boyfriend James, with whom she’s been ‘on’ for six months, had been giving her trouble about her upcoming birthday. What she really wanted was to go to the beach. He didn’t seem that into it.

Then, the day before her birthday, June calls James after work. He ignores her call. Twice. When he finally responds, it’s by text message. The message of the message? He’s with two female friends at the movies. Furthermore, James had asked her before if she would pay for him to go midnight bowling. June said even if his friend Kylie got him in for free because she works there, he definitely spent money on snacks. It didn’t add up.

I haven’t heard from her since that — except I know via Facebook that they ended up going to the beach — but I have heard the opinions of the two men in my life. My dad and Chris are both in consensus that James should be dumped. He’s clearly mistreating June, they said. And Chris added that he would never, ever go out to the movies with another girl and even if he did, he would answer his phone because his girlfriend comes first.

This is not the first sign of trouble I’ve seen in June’s relationship and while I have continually supported her and James, I’m beginning to believe that maybe he’s just not right for her after all. Because while women also have the tendency to be constantly supportive of their friends, sometimes that “yes” should really be a “no,” and no, I don’t believe that June deserves to be treated this way.

This post appeared on HOSTAGE Magazine's blog today.

HOSTAGE: The truth about Johnny Depp

Dear Boyfriends of the World,

While we may have posters of Johnny Depp on our bedroom (or dorm) walls and you may catch us reading the latest about his life in US Weekly, not that many of us actually want to get with him. So stop worrying about your “competition.”

OK, the truth is that this applies to most celebrities. We fantasize about their chiseled abs, muscular arms and strong jaws. Think Jake Gyllenhaal as the Prince… You dragged us to the movie so the least you can do is not guilt trip us for admiring his smoldering gaze and washboard abs.

But there’s no need to be jealous. Most girls, myself included, aren’t really sure if we’d want to be with someone that rock hard. It wouldn’t be conducive to good cuddling. And there’s no need to pretend you hate cuddling — we know you like it at least some of the time.

Normal girls, while admiring the Ryan Reynolds’ and Hugh Jackman’s of the world, realize that in all likelihood, he’s more into himself than he could ever be into us. We want you. The cute guy who makes us laugh, who supports us, who does things he doesn’t necessarily want to do just because we mean that much to him. That’s the guy we really fantasize about. That’s the guy who is on my mind most of the day and night.

Come on — you’ve got your Angelina Jolie’s and Megan Fox’s and Gemma Arterton’s (think Prince of Persia). Sometimes we girlfriends of the world even engage you in conversation about the female hotties in Hollywood. The least you can do is let us silently admire the male hotties and keep our posters.

Love,

Rosella & The Rest of the World’s Girlfriends

This post appeared on HOSTAGE magazine's blog today.

The Juniata News: K&A's tenth annual MarketFest proves vitality of the neighborhood

The Kensington and Allegheny Business Association shut down the busy intersection at the heart of Kensington for its tenth annual K & A MarketFest on Saturday, June 5, 2010, a week earlier than normal. Residents of all ages enjoyed the attractions which Impact Services Corporation President John MacDonald said are a gift to the neighborhood.

“Everything’s for nothing,” MacDonald said.

Even without funding from the city, the business association will always find a way to run the fair, MacDonald said. With the support of the Bank of America, Wachovia Bank and Beneficial Bank, local businesses and Impact Services Corporation were able to keep the fair running smoothly.

Impact Services Corporation is a 36 year old community development organization that oversees projects aimed at revitalizing Kensington. This includes the operation of three business associations, housing for veterans and training programs to place roughly 1000 citizens – people who have been released from prison or rehab, welfare mothers and veterans – a year in the workforce.

The organization is “intended to help businesses and then the businesses help folks in the neighborhood,” MacDonald said. And the K&A MarketFest is meant to show that the area is a safe place to be.

“We were trying to prove to folks K and A isn’t dead,” MacDonald said.

Between 11 a.m. and 3 p.m., adults could browse vendors selling everything from shoes to Avon products, lemonade to produce. Among the attractions children enjoyed were Moonbounce houses, inflatable slides and Conference Bikes which seat six children and an adult who steers the vehicle.

While the turnout had tapered off in the middle of the fair’s four-hour span, MacDonald said this was still an important event to Kensington residents.

“Some folks would think this is no big deal but to the neighborhood, it is,” MacDonald said.

Based on its track record for growth year to year, MacDonald expects the eleventh annual K&A MarketFest to be even bigger and better.

This 300 word news piece appeared in the local newspaper entitled The Juniata News today (June 8), accompanied by three photographs I took.